I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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