I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
