make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
