I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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