i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
