i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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