I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
