i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
