Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
