I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
