we're chasing vodka with high fives
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
