so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
