I think im going to throw up on grandma
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
