i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
