you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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