got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
