It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
