Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
