Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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