Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
