she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
