cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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