I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
