Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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