why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
