He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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