Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
