dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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