I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
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COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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