hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
