i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
