I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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