My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
