I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
