My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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