One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
