1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
