he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also, beer. Big fan.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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