you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
