best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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