I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
