moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
