worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
