Me. At least after what I've been through.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
