Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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