the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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