hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
