She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm at about main and main street
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
