who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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