the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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